: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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