i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
