I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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