How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
