I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
