So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
