everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
