weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
