wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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