Got a toothbrush?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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