____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
