I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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