Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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