omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
