She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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