apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
