But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
