we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
