she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
