she woke up with a sticky ear
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so let's talk penis.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
