Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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