I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
