I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
