My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize