You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
