I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
