farters have to be the big spoon...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
