She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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