Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
