i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
