I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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