I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
