I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
