I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
