did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
