Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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