The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
