They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
