Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
time to smoke my breakfast
we're making bets on your personal life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
