i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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