Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
