Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
