ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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