I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
