also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
