Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
