I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
