they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
