i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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