could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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