kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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