I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
