Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
