Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
