Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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