So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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