sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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