checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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