Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
