I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
