but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
