My liver just broke up with me...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
