He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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