this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize